Is it bullying or friendship trouble?

The difference matters because the response does

Friendship trouble is two children who both have some power in the situation, who fall out, who may both have behaved badly, and who will probably repair. Bullying is repeated, deliberate, and involves a power imbalance: one child cannot make it stop. Friendship trouble needs coaching. Bullying needs adults to act.

The three questions

Is it repeated? One cruel comment is unkindness. The same child, again and again, is a pattern. Is it deliberate? Thoughtlessness hurts, but a child who keeps finding the sore spot is choosing it. Can your child stop it? If they cannot walk away, cannot answer back without it getting worse, and cannot avoid the child, the power is not equal.

Why neurodivergent children get both, more

They misread social cues, so they get into more friendship trouble. They stand out, so they are targeted more. And they are often less able to tell the two apart or to report either, so it goes on longer. They are also sometimes the child who is accused, because a literal, blunt or impulsive child can look like a bully without any intent to be one.

What to do with each

Friendship trouble: coach the repair, the exit, the Friendship Map, and step back. Bullying: write down dates, what happened, and who saw. Go to school with the record, ask what the anti-bullying policy is, and agree a plan with a review date. Do not tell your child to hit back or to ignore it. Neither works, and both put the job back on the child.

Educational content, not medical advice. Concerned about your child? Speak to your GP.