Aggression towards siblings: a calm plan

Safety, then everything else

When one child hits, kicks or throws at another, the first job is the hurt child and the second is the space between them. Separate, calmly, without a lecture. The child who lashed out is almost always dysregulated, and a dysregulated brain cannot hear a lecture anyway. Safety first, teaching later.

Why it happens

Aggression toward a sibling is usually one of: overload (too much noise, too much closeness, too long a day), a fairness injury (they got more, they always win), a communication failure (I could not say it, so I hit it), or a body that has not moved enough. Impulse control is the last thing to develop in any child and later still in ADHD, so the gap between feeling and fist is very short.

The plan

Read the pattern. When, where, after what? The ABC tracker in the toolkit is built for this. Reduce the trigger. More space, more movement, structured time apart, earlier tea. Teach the words in calm time, not in the moment: "When I'm cross I can say 'stop' or leave the room." Practise it as a game. Respond the same way every time: separate, brief, no drama, repair later. Catch the good. Every time they walk away instead, notice it out loud.

Protect the other child

The sibling who gets hit needs to be heard, and needs to know it is not their job to manage it. A private word, some one-on-one time, and a plan for what they do when it starts (leave, call you) matters as much as the plan for the child who hits.

Educational content, not medical advice. Concerned about your child? Speak to your GP.