One-on-one time: the 10-minute miracle

One of the most evidence-backed things you are not doing

Ten minutes a day of one-on-one time, child-led, phone away, no teaching, no correcting, is one of the best-supported parenting practices there is. It sits at the heart of most parenting programmes for behaviour, and the reason is simple: children behave better for people they feel connected to, and connection is built in minutes, not hours.

The rules

The child chooses the activity, within reason. You follow. You describe what they are doing ("you're building the tower higher"), you praise specifically, and you do not ask questions, give instructions or correct. It is ten minutes of undivided, uncritical attention. Give it a name, "our time", and protect it like a meeting.

Why it works

Most of the attention a struggling child gets is negative: reminders, corrections, sighs. This flips the ratio. It also fills the tank that the child otherwise fills with behaviour that gets your attention any way it can. And for you, it is ten minutes of enjoying your child, which is easy to lose in a hard season.

With more than one child

Each child gets their own. Stagger it, use bedtime, use the school run. The child who "doesn't need it" often needs it most, because they have learned to be no trouble.

Educational content, not medical advice. Concerned about your child? Speak to your GP.